Turkey n Tinsel

Early Sunday morning and I just couldn’t believe the amount of keen workers streaming over the bridge to our local BAE shipyard. What was going on? I have never seen it so busy at the weekend. All was explained when I picked a fare up on his way to work there. He told me that this weekend was the last one for the workers substantial overtime payments to go into the pre Christmas pay packet. Funny when you think that the shipyard was struggling to get folks to work overtime all year, but here they all are, practically running to get to work.
Speaking of the dreaded Christmas, we all like to moan about it, but spare a thought for the poor fare who was telling me his tale of woe. The poor blighter is a hotel worker at the less than sedate seaside resort of Grange Over Sands (known locally as god’s waiting room). November is the start of the “Turkey and Tinsel” season. Twice a week coach loads of overfestive pensioners descend on his hotel expecting the full Xmas and New Year knees up. The poor wretch is made to dress up as Santa and tells me “you wouldn’t believe how frisky some of the old lasses are after a few hours at the free bar. “Gripping my arm he croaked “you don’t know what fear is, until you have thirty overexcited lady octogenarians fighting to get into Santa’s sack.”
Needless to say turkey, crackers, tinsel or anything to do with Christmas are banned in his house.

Street Art?

Driving down Barrows Ramsden Dock Road I was amazed to see what looks like Barrow Islands entry for the famously quirky Turner art competition. And after seeing past winners I would not be surprised if they have a first prize in contemporary sculpture right there on display on the pavement. But I can’t see the poor householders who have had these windmill bedecked red flashing monstrosities dumped on their front doorsteps being too impressed. Are we that desperate to save a few Milli amp of power that we have to go to these extremes? Or is it just a case of the Dock developers wasting tens of thousand of pounds in an effort to convince us all that they are green and extra environmentally friendly? Or worse are we the rate payers funding these eyesores? Maybe they could have just used a low energy bulb and saved a few bob, it would have been a lot easier on the eye too.

Stuck Truck

I see that yet another sat-nav blunder has landed one of our now overwhelmingly foreign truckers in hot water. Has anyone else noticed the decimation of the once proud UK haulage industry, all we see on the highways and byways now seems to be eastern European registered trucks? In the latest mishap a Czech lorry driver was stranded for three nights in south-west England after his satellite navigation system directed him down a narrow country lane. Yuri Odenhai, was on his way to pick up a cargo in Devon when his 40-tonne truck became stuck fast on a sharp bend near the village of Ivybridge. The trucker’s company, Kohlman and Hasek, refused to pay for an expensive recovery operation at the weekend, meaning the 50-foot (15-metre) long, eight-feet wide truck remained wedged in place. Odenhai had tried to ask for directions before following the sat-nav down the lane but his English was not too good and nobody understood him. The lorry was finally towed out by a tractor after a tree surgeon cut away surrounding vegetation. Mat Auburn, said his family took pity on Yuri and invited him in for meals during his ordeal. But he preferred to stay in his cab overnight rather than find hotel accommodation. The diversion put a few extra miles on people’s journeys, and we can safely say that it won’t be the last of these incidents.

Horror

It was just another local supermarket pickup and I thought nothing of it until one of the three lady fares opened the boot. I was just getting out of the car to help with the bags when a blood curdling scream pierced the early morning gloom. When I reached the back of the car, I was shoved out of the way by the three portly panicking ladies. When they had calmed down I explained that the grisly, blood stained leg in the boot was only a very lifelike fake. I had bought it for Halloween and put my foot in it by forgetting to take it out of the boot. They saw the joke and couldn’t stop laughing all the way home. Of course after this I should have hidden the grisly limb, but no I couldn’t resist leaving it in place. This led to lots more squeals and giggles for the rest of the day. The jokes were coming thick and fast, about taxi’s costing an arm and a leg and that the best place for a foot was in a boot etc. But still it was Halloween eh!

Mr Nostalgia

The bleary eyed guy I picked up early this Sunday morning was reminiscing about Sundays as they used to be. “Aye they’ve ruined Sundays with these new all day licensing laws, you know” he said. “I used to love the traditional English Sunday” Getting interested I asked him what he meant by the traditional Sunday. “Well I used to have a late lie in bed and then the wife would fetch me a big fried breakfast.” “Aye then she would iron me best shirt and I would be off down to the pub for 11:o-clock opening” He paused and went misty eyed at the tender memory’s of happier times. “Aye then it was a good few pints and the landlord would ask us to stay for a lock-in.” Humouring him I said “no such thing as a lock in nowadays what did it mean back then” “Oh aye it was illegal you know, but that was part of the attraction, they all did it, the doors were locked and curtains drawn and you were there for the full days drinking.” After another pause to savour the memory he continued “and then it was stagger off home for a big roast dinner and fall asleep whilst reading the Sunday papers as the wife did the washing up.” By this time we had reached town and I asked him where he would like dropping at. Bearing in mind that it was 8:45 am, I was surprised when he said “the Furness Railway they open at 9:am you know.” “Why are you going for your fried breakfast, won’t the wife make it this morning?”I asked. “No I’m going for a pint or two, and the wife, well she cleared off years ago.”
Mmm wonder why, I thought as I drove off.

Dodgy Tar

It seems that we have to thank a dodgy batch of tarmac for causing a week of yet more long delays on a Barrow road. The much used Low road between town and Walney was a no go area between 8am and 4pm every day. They tell me that the work was done at the contractors expense because of the faulty materials used when it was surfaced a few months back. Some folk would point out that the work should have been redone during the nighttimes and not at the whim of the contractors. This would have been much more convenient to the town’s motorists during what was a busy school half term week. But some would say that as this was a Cumbria County matter, and had no effect on the roads in the ruling north of the county, that they weren’t too bothered.

About Time

Well it looks as if at long last that new safety rules are to be brought in to govern the hundreds of pedicabs touting for hire in London. After concerns were voiced that the rapid growth of the bicycle rickshaws – there are now about 600 – is putting people at risk. Even though they carry passengers, the pedicabs are classed as and have the same legal status as bicycles. Believe it or not drivers do not have to be licensed, or even have insurance. The rules are being proposed as part of the London Local Authorities and Transport for London Bill, which will be presented in Parliament on 27 November. It would enable councils to serve fixed penalty notices for parking on yellow lines, jumping red lights or driving in bus lanes. The move comes after a string of accidents involving pedicabs. In one, a passenger was thrown out and knocked unconscious. In another, a pedicab overturned after a collision with a bus. It also follows two weekends of action last month by police and Westminster council, which led to seven arrests and 43 warnings.
A Westminster councillor said: “We have been lobbying the Government for some time for further powers to help us tackle rogue pedicab operators, but we do need more weapons… to deal with them before somebody is killed.” TfL’s Public Carriage Office said a planned licensing scheme would become mandatory if the High Court declared pedicabs a type of hackney carriage. A spokesman for London Pedicabs, said: “We welcome the new rules but we do need to have allocated parking space and ranks.” What a cheek eh! they don’t want to pay for licenses and have police checks like cab drivers but they want all the benefits. Some pedicab riders are against the plans. One said: “It just feels like they are trying to choke us out of business. Clubbers and tourists love us.”

NYC Taxi Logo

Well what do we all think of the new New York City taxi logo then? It’s the top one with the old one pictured below. I quite like it myself.

The Hero and the Fool

Sunday mornings hero of the week award must go to one of our taxi drivers. He took the chance of taking the 22miles 40 minute drive out to Flookburgh to rescue a stranded drunk from a vague address. The job was turned down by other drivers, which is not surprising, we have all had experiences with Sunday morning drunks. Many a time we have been called time and time again to an address by a drunk demanding “wheres my taxi” only for it to be the wrong street or in some cases even the wrong town. Luckily our hero found his passenger, lets hope the drunk remembered to tip him well.
But the fool of the week must go to the aggressive young guy on our local Asda car park. He was involved in a minor bump between a car and van. It seems that as the other folk involved were female he had no one to take out his anger on. I was amused when he suddenly decided to vent his temper on the solid steel van. He ran to the front and kicked the bumper and then landed a punch on the bonnet. Ouch!

Empty Pub

Two of the characters that I picked up on Saturday afternoon were the type that empty pubs in a hurry. The first got in the cab and asked to be taken home “going home early have you had enough?” I asked. No I’ve been chucked out of the pub again, he replied. After a minute or two’s chat during which I tried to see what sort of state he was in I cheekily asked him why he had been thrown out of the bar. Well he said, after I have had a few beers I start to growl. “Growl who at and why?” I asked intrigued. “Nobody and no reason” he said ” I just stand at the bar and growl, and people just leave or move away from me.” “Not very good for the pubs trade then” I remarked to which he replied “aye I guess that’s why they ask me to leave after a while.”
Next up was a sad faced man who got into the cab and gave his address and slumped back with a weary sigh. “Tired are you?” I asked to which he just sighed again and shrugged his shoulders. Some folk just don’t want to talk and so I gave up and drove on in silence, apart from the odd sigh from Mr Happy. When we pulled up outside his house he handed me the fare without a word and got out of the cab. I was about to gratefully drive off when he opened the cab door again and leaned in. “You’re born alone and you die alone, so don’t stop and wait for anybody” he said with a knowing look. “Yes OK” I relied sombrely and drove away with a heavy heart.
Needless to say if I come across either of these characters in a pub at any time I shall hurriedly leave.

No Cash

Lol who is a big country and western fan is one of our more colourful local taxi drivers. His cab sports a sticker on the rear which he bought on his travels to Australia. It says “Driver carries no cash, He’s Married.” Well as they say “many a true word spoke in jest.” Every time I see the sign I’m reminded of a now departed local taxi driver who had a bad case of bookie constipation , “he just couldn’t pass one.” It got so bad that his wife made him go home up to four times a day to give her any money that he had made, in case he gave in to temptation.

Free for All

Now we have it in writing officially, it seems that we can look forward to a 20MPH speed limit in every urban area and hundreds of extra speed cameras, so says an influential road safety group.
It also calls for a huge blitz on drivers more likely to cause accidents – such as “fat drivers who are prone to nodding off and elderly drivers who may no longer be safe behind the wheel.”
The biggest impediment to dropping the speed limits and expanding the 20mph network is that, at present, standard cameras are not type-approved to enforce limits below 30mph,” it says.
Traffic humps and chicanes are used instead but are unpopular, expensive, cause problems for emergency vehicles and add to emissions. (You can say that again)
“Time-over-distance cameras offer an effective alternative enforcement tool,” it concludes.
A camera blitz on speeding must be accompanied by a war on motorists’ dangerous lifestyles – with the very fat, the very old, and the very young to be targeted, adds the report.
The report says “sedentary lifestyles” make drivers more prone to an accident.
On the problem of older drivers it notes:” The UK population is ageing and likely to keep driving further, in larger numbers and for longer than previous generations.
The report, called Beyond 2010 – a holistic approach to road safety in Great Britain, as far as I can tell says nothing that we didn’t already know. But it does give more than enough justification for a huge new revenue source for so called safety camera partnerships.

Instant Experts

As sure as night follows day if it’s a bumper weekend for sport this leads to a busy weekend for Barrow’s taxi’s as well. What with football and both flavours of rugby games going on this weekend, folk were saying they couldn’t remember a busier time for sport. I know nothing about rugby but on Sunday, the day after England’s victory over France in the semi final, I was picking up fares who were instant experts by the dozen. Every one of them it seemed had become a die hard England fan and a font of knowledge about Rugby Union overnight. Several took pains to tell that me they could have obtained odds of eighty to one and have won a fortune, if only they had backed England to win early in the tournament. When asked “why didn’t you then, if your such a big fan” the subject was quickly changed. Mmm wonder why!

Dear Smoke

Well I guess this is the end of the honeymoon period for the non smoking laws. I say this because a North West taxi driver has fallen foul of the recent legislation and been fined £50 for smoking in his own cab.
The man was handed the penalty after a council officer in Oldham saw him smoking a cigarette in his private hire taxi while parked in Rochdale Road. There were no passengers in his cab at the time, but this of course makes no differance.
The new laws make it an offence to light up in any workplace at any time – this includes taxis and private hire vehicles.
The purpose is to protect members of the public against the effects of second-hand smoke.
Some taxi drivers in Scotland have been fined after flouting smoke-free legislation, but this is thought to be the first case in England since the ban was introduced on July 1.
This leaves me wondering just how long it will be before they start getting tough on smoky drivers up here in Barrow.

Sickipedia

We’ve all heard of the online encyclopedia Wickipedia, but now for all those sick depraved jokes that we all say we despise here is Sickipedia. Be warned the material is racist, sexist,homophobic, and just about any other ist and bic you can think of. But you can if you register edit the stuff just as in Wikipedia.

Blue Murder

Lots of Barrow folk moan about the local bus service, mainly when the bus is running late and they end up getting wet. They should thank their lucky stars that we don’t have the same bus system that the poor folks in Delhi have to suffer. Owners of the 4.500 privately owned Blueline buses rent them out to drivers, just as they would a taxi. This means that the drivers are paid according to how many passengers they pick up, thus encouraging them to speed. As a result, 334 people were killed in the past three years. The toll so far this year stands at 96. . This has led to intense competition, with buses racing each other to the next bus stop. In the worst recent case on Sunday seven were killed and eight injured when a bus lost control when trying to force past a rival bus and crashing into a bus shelter. Police had to use teargas to disperse an angry crowd of 3000 that wrecked the vehicle and beat up the driver. On Tuesday, police had to intervene again when a crowd attacked a Blueline bus that had killed a motorcyclist. Three hours later, another Blueline killed a Pizza Hut delivery boy.
“What can we do?” said passenger Ranjit Das-gupta, 33. “You want to get to work on time, but is it worth risking your life?” Mmm maybe our buses aren’t that bad after all then.

Russian Roulette

We think things are bad on our roads, but you should thank your lucky stars you don’t live in Moscow. There drink-driving and speeding have made roads among Europe’s most dangerous, but now locals face a sinister new threat” armed drivers.”
Three pedestrians are the latest victims when a driver shot them from his car after complaining that they were walking too slowly on a zebra crossing in the city.
Witnesses said that the driver shouted at the pedestrians to get out of his way, then pulled out a pistol and shot them when they ignored him. Two were shot in the chest and another his arm and leg. The driver sped away but police later arrested an Azerbaijani man in connection with the shooting. The incident is the second in two weeks in which people have been shot by motorists in Moscow.
Locals are outraged about the serious escalation of road rage in this congested city, where drivers daily suffer two-hour traffic jams. Pravda, one of Russia’s popular newspapers, commented: “Stupidly, disgustingly, a real war on the streets of Moscow is continuing.”
Russia’s roads are already dangerous, mainly because drivers can pay a bribe to acquire their licence instead of having to pass a test.
Personally I think it’s a bit harsh shooting slow pedestrians like that, a good jolt with a tazer would be much more civilized.

Karma Kab

Maybe I should take a leaf out of the book of Karma-Kabs from London, and import myself a nice Ambassador car from India. I can just see myself riding round in one of these silk and satin decorated, ragga music playing, incense burning works of art.
And maybe I would get a better class of customer, after all I should think our local chavs and moshers wouldn’t want to be seen dead on one of these magical mystery tours.
Larger-than-life personality company boss Tobias of Karma Kabs says . “Step into one of my cabs and you get a complete environment. “We don’t just take you from A to B, because I don’t like A and I don’t like B. With Karma Kabs, it’s the journey that counts not the destination.”
“My car is like my house and when I invite you in, I want you to feel a relaxing calm. If you’re cool enough to appreciate that, great. If you’re not, we won’t take you again, you’ve got to have cool clearance to do business with us. Our cars don’t stink of air freshener, and you won’t get a lot of irritating nonsense about football and the weather from our drivers. We’re based on the principle of Karma and Karma is the fruit of the seeds that you’ve sown in your life.”
Well that sounds just up my street, I’m seriously tempted especially when I find that they charge upwards of £40 an hour. Yep thats my kind of Karma! Now where did I put my kaftan.

Long Job

If a builder or tradesman doing a job for you had caused chaos, and then took four or five months longer than they should to finish the job would you use them again? Now it can’t be denied that when Barrows Astra lights junction was “improved” recently this is exactly what happened. Most of us would use our common sense and stay well clear of any outfit that performed like this wouldn’t we?. The contractors, most sensible folk would agree should never be seen in this town again. But imagine my surprise when I saw who was starting work on the latest controversial £2.4m road scheme. Yes you guessed it, the exact same firm and with the exact same crew. Work they say is expected to last “about” five months. But some would say that maybe some of the young guys on this crew might just stretch this one out until they reach retirement age.

Guilty Week

Well the six week long school holidays are just about over and sales of Vodka and Valium will soon plummet. The last week is the one I call ” guilty week” this is when lots of parents suddenly realise that the holiday is nearly over and they haven’t done a thing with their kids. This means that we will be really busy as they rush around trying to cram treats like movies, bowling and dining out into the last few days. Others are still trying to rig the kids out in their new school uniform, and of course as usual wrestling matches will break out over that last school jumper or blazer. Many mothers tell me that they feel blackmailed into paying high prices for school stuff that has to have the school badge on. Of course this badged stuff is only available by paying premium prices at certain approved local suppliers. Parents, especially the ones with a few kids tell me they feel that this is unfair and that the market should be opened up to competition.