Taxi Tales

Turkey n Tinsel

taxitales — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 20:00:45 +0000

Early Sunday morning and I just couldn’t believe the amount of keen workers streaming over the bridge to our local BAE shipyard. What was going on? I have never seen it so busy at the weekend. All was explained when I picked a fare up on his way to work there. He told me that this weekend was the last one for the workers substantial overtime payments to go into the pre Christmas pay packet. Funny when you think that the shipyard was struggling to get folks to work overtime all year, but here they all are, practically running to get to work.
Speaking of the dreaded Christmas, we all like to moan about it, but spare a thought for the poor fare who was telling me his tale of woe. The poor blighter is a hotel worker at the less than sedate seaside resort of Grange Over Sands (known locally as god’s waiting room). November is the start of the “Turkey and Tinsel” season. Twice a week coach loads of overfestive pensioners descend on his hotel expecting the full Xmas and New Year knees up. The poor wretch is made to dress up as Santa and tells me “you wouldn’t believe how frisky some of the old lasses are after a few hours at the free bar. “Gripping my arm he croaked “you don’t know what fear is, until you have thirty overexcited lady octogenarians fighting to get into Santa’s sack.”
Needless to say turkey, crackers, tinsel or anything to do with Christmas are banned in his house.

Street Art?

taxitales — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 19:59:55 +0000

Driving down Barrows Ramsden Dock Road I was amazed to see what looks like Barrow Islands entry for the famously quirky Turner art competition. And after seeing past winners I would not be surprised if they have a first prize in contemporary sculpture right there on display on the pavement. But I can’t see the poor householders who have had these windmill bedecked red flashing monstrosities dumped on their front doorsteps being too impressed. Are we that desperate to save a few Milli amp of power that we have to go to these extremes? Or is it just a case of the Dock developers wasting tens of thousand of pounds in an effort to convince us all that they are green and extra environmentally friendly? Or worse are we the rate payers funding these eyesores? Maybe they could have just used a low energy bulb and saved a few bob, it would have been a lot easier on the eye too.

Stuck Truck

taxitales — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 19:56:40 +0000

I see that yet another sat-nav blunder has landed one of our now overwhelmingly foreign truckers in hot water. Has anyone else noticed the decimation of the once proud UK haulage industry, all we see on the highways and byways now seems to be eastern European registered trucks? In the latest mishap a Czech lorry driver was stranded for three nights in south-west England after his satellite navigation system directed him down a narrow country lane. Yuri Odenhai, was on his way to pick up a cargo in Devon when his 40-tonne truck became stuck fast on a sharp bend near the village of Ivybridge. The trucker’s company, Kohlman and Hasek, refused to pay for an expensive recovery operation at the weekend, meaning the 50-foot (15-metre) long, eight-feet wide truck remained wedged in place. Odenhai had tried to ask for directions before following the sat-nav down the lane but his English was not too good and nobody understood him. The lorry was finally towed out by a tractor after a tree surgeon cut away surrounding vegetation. Mat Auburn, said his family took pity on Yuri and invited him in for meals during his ordeal. But he preferred to stay in his cab overnight rather than find hotel accommodation. The diversion put a few extra miles on people’s journeys, and we can safely say that it won’t be the last of these incidents.

Horror

taxitales — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 20:52:50 +0000

It was just another local supermarket pickup and I thought nothing of it until one of the three lady fares opened the boot. I was just getting out of the car to help with the bags when a blood curdling scream pierced the early morning gloom. When I reached the back of the car, I was shoved out of the way by the three portly panicking ladies. When they had calmed down I explained that the grisly, blood stained leg in the boot was only a very lifelike fake. I had bought it for Halloween and put my foot in it by forgetting to take it out of the boot. They saw the joke and couldn’t stop laughing all the way home. Of course after this I should have hidden the grisly limb, but no I couldn’t resist leaving it in place. This led to lots more squeals and giggles for the rest of the day. The jokes were coming thick and fast, about taxi’s costing an arm and a leg and that the best place for a foot was in a boot etc. But still it was Halloween eh!

Mr Nostalgia

taxitales — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 20:54:23 +0000

The bleary eyed guy I picked up early this Sunday morning was reminiscing about Sundays as they used to be. “Aye they’ve ruined Sundays with these new all day licensing laws, you know” he said. “I used to love the traditional English Sunday” Getting interested I asked him what he meant by the traditional Sunday. “Well I used to have a late lie in bed and then the wife would fetch me a big fried breakfast.” “Aye then she would iron me best shirt and I would be off down to the pub for 11:o-clock opening” He paused and went misty eyed at the tender memory’s of happier times. “Aye then it was a good few pints and the landlord would ask us to stay for a lock-in.” Humouring him I said “no such thing as a lock in nowadays what did it mean back then” “Oh aye it was illegal you know, but that was part of the attraction, they all did it, the doors were locked and curtains drawn and you were there for the full days drinking.” After another pause to savour the memory he continued “and then it was stagger off home for a big roast dinner and fall asleep whilst reading the Sunday papers as the wife did the washing up.” By this time we had reached town and I asked him where he would like dropping at. Bearing in mind that it was 8:45 am, I was surprised when he said “the Furness Railway they open at 9:am you know.” “Why are you going for your fried breakfast, won’t the wife make it this morning?”I asked. “No I’m going for a pint or two, and the wife, well she cleared off years ago.”
Mmm wonder why, I thought as I drove off.

Dodgy Tar

taxitales — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 20:53:31 +0000

It seems that we have to thank a dodgy batch of tarmac for causing a week of yet more long delays on a Barrow road. The much used Low road between town and Walney was a no go area between 8am and 4pm every day. They tell me that the work was done at the contractors expense because of the faulty materials used when it was surfaced a few months back. Some folk would point out that the work should have been redone during the nighttimes and not at the whim of the contractors. This would have been much more convenient to the town’s motorists during what was a busy school half term week. But some would say that as this was a Cumbria County matter, and had no effect on the roads in the ruling north of the county, that they weren’t too bothered.

About Time

taxitales — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 20:45:27 +0000

Well it looks as if at long last that new safety rules are to be brought in to govern the hundreds of pedicabs touting for hire in London. After concerns were voiced that the rapid growth of the bicycle rickshaws – there are now about 600 – is putting people at risk. Even though they carry passengers, the pedicabs are classed as and have the same legal status as bicycles. Believe it or not drivers do not have to be licensed, or even have insurance. The rules are being proposed as part of the London Local Authorities and Transport for London Bill, which will be presented in Parliament on 27 November. It would enable councils to serve fixed penalty notices for parking on yellow lines, jumping red lights or driving in bus lanes. The move comes after a string of accidents involving pedicabs. In one, a passenger was thrown out and knocked unconscious. In another, a pedicab overturned after a collision with a bus. It also follows two weekends of action last month by police and Westminster council, which led to seven arrests and 43 warnings.
A Westminster councillor said: “We have been lobbying the Government for some time for further powers to help us tackle rogue pedicab operators, but we do need more weapons… to deal with them before somebody is killed.” TfL’s Public Carriage Office said a planned licensing scheme would become mandatory if the High Court declared pedicabs a type of hackney carriage. A spokesman for London Pedicabs, said: “We welcome the new rules but we do need to have allocated parking space and ranks.” What a cheek eh! they don’t want to pay for licenses and have police checks like cab drivers but they want all the benefits. Some pedicab riders are against the plans. One said: “It just feels like they are trying to choke us out of business. Clubbers and tourists love us.”

NYC Taxi Logo

taxitales — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:33:35 +0000

Well what do we all think of the new New York City taxi logo then? It’s the top one with the old one pictured below. I quite like it myself.

The Hero and the Fool

taxitales — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 19:15:27 +0000

Sunday mornings hero of the week award must go to one of our taxi drivers. He took the chance of taking the 22miles 40 minute drive out to Flookburgh to rescue a stranded drunk from a vague address. The job was turned down by other drivers, which is not surprising, we have all had experiences with Sunday morning drunks. Many a time we have been called time and time again to an address by a drunk demanding “wheres my taxi” only for it to be the wrong street or in some cases even the wrong town. Luckily our hero found his passenger, lets hope the drunk remembered to tip him well.
But the fool of the week must go to the aggressive young guy on our local Asda car park. He was involved in a minor bump between a car and van. It seems that as the other folk involved were female he had no one to take out his anger on. I was amused when he suddenly decided to vent his temper on the solid steel van. He ran to the front and kicked the bumper and then landed a punch on the bonnet. Ouch!

Empty Pub

taxitales — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 19:05:26 +0000

Two of the characters that I picked up on Saturday afternoon were the type that empty pubs in a hurry. The first got in the cab and asked to be taken home “going home early have you had enough?” I asked. No I’ve been chucked out of the pub again, he replied. After a minute or two’s chat during which I tried to see what sort of state he was in I cheekily asked him why he had been thrown out of the bar. Well he said, after I have had a few beers I start to growl. “Growl who at and why?” I asked intrigued. “Nobody and no reason” he said ” I just stand at the bar and growl, and people just leave or move away from me.” “Not very good for the pubs trade then” I remarked to which he replied “aye I guess that’s why they ask me to leave after a while.”
Next up was a sad faced man who got into the cab and gave his address and slumped back with a weary sigh. “Tired are you?” I asked to which he just sighed again and shrugged his shoulders. Some folk just don’t want to talk and so I gave up and drove on in silence, apart from the odd sigh from Mr Happy. When we pulled up outside his house he handed me the fare without a word and got out of the cab. I was about to gratefully drive off when he opened the cab door again and leaned in. “You’re born alone and you die alone, so don’t stop and wait for anybody” he said with a knowing look. “Yes OK” I relied sombrely and drove away with a heavy heart.
Needless to say if I come across either of these characters in a pub at any time I shall hurriedly leave.